When Love Is Not Enough

I've spent the last two days driving to and from Hot Springs in order to attend a conference.  The trip to Hot Springs is always a sad trip for me because it's a drive down memory lane where I'm reminded of a day that was just about perfect.  I shared the day with the person I consider the love of my life.  His name was Tony.  We went with his family and stopped at a restaurant in Benton for breakfast before driving on to Hot Springs for a day at the lake. 

I watched him ski and had a great time with his dad, stepmom, step-sister and step-brother.  It was warm and sunny...the perfect day for a heart to love.  We talked about love and Tony said love wasn't really real.  People could have feelings for each other, but love was just a term people used.

My heart belonged to him, and for the next six years, we would have an off and on again relationship until it would finally end because he didn't want to make a commitment to anything truly serious.  He said he didn't believe in love and marriage.

Does this sound like a scene from a movie?  If you've ever seen When Harry Met Sally, you've seen the glimpse of my life when Sally tells Harry that her former boyfriend, Joe, is getting married.  She says, she told herself he didn't want to marry; but the truth is he didn't want to marry her.  I cry every time I see this scene because I know just how she felt.

The truth was Tony didn't believe in love and marriage with me, but he did believe in marrying someone else.  And even though more years have passed than I want to admit, my heart still aches when I think how I loved him. 

I learned the life lesson many people learn - sometimes loving someone completely with all your heart isn't enough to make them love you too.  And, while I have gone on and really don't think of him often, I can't make the trip to Hot Springs without remembering a perfect day when I was young and hopeful that love could happen for me.

© Lisa Kelley 2011