Today I couldn't get past myself to praise the glory of the Lord all around me. Today, I put the children of Israel, who grumbled and complained to God after He delivered them from Egypt, to shame. Pity party would be inadequate to express my "woe is me" attitude.
Most days I can supress my inner sadness, but not today. Life is overwhelming right now and today was the tipping point. I left work and literally cried all the way home.
In the last week I've experienced multiple disappointments. And the final straw today was yet another rejection regarding the book. I'm frustrated because all the rejections are just form letters, which tell me nothing about what's really wrong with my submission. I'm disappointed because it's so important to me. I'm disillusioned because I can't look back on my life and say any dream I've had has ever come true. And so today, I question why I should give a rip about anything.
I'm a person who strives to excel, and here I am living this life of mediocrity. I detest insignificance and yet I have never felt any less significant than I do this day. This turmoil inside me rages and while I want to let God in, I can't open up to let Him in. I know His Word says He cares. But, today I'm not so sure. Today, I have no idea why I'm here since it seems I have no purpose or meaning. And, so I find I can only cry: "Meaningless! Meaningless!" says the Teacher. "Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless." (Ecclesiastes 1:2).
I'm broken. I'm sad. And, I'm empty.